Noel Edmonds Hair

Oh no, who's at the door?
I have Noel Edmonds hair
and I haven't shaved in, like, a week
I look like some junkie decorator
in my '70s Adidas 'Edge' tracksuit bottoms
with their five layers of emulsion
I slump my way into the hall
But my Noel Edmonds hair
follows close behind
and won't play ball
"Oh shit, it's a woman"
She'll call the police for sure
Think I'm a vagrant breaking and entering
I'm not answering that door
Hang on..."is that a mullet I see?"
she's a relic from 1984
As I bound for the door...
"There but for the grace of God go I"
'Good afternoon, I have plenty of soap."